When Criticism Shines a Light

Dr. Cary Yurkiw, Run the Long Race

Some of my most peaceful moments happen alone: an early run, a quiet morning, time in prayer. In those moments I feel close to God. I know I have a purpose, and I know I've done some good in the world.

Then someone I care about criticizes me, sometimes in front of other people, and everything changes. It feels like a spotlight snaps on and points at every flaw I have. Some of those flaws are real. Some aren't. In the moment, I honestly can't tell which is which.

What criticism does to the body

As a health professional, I pay attention to what happens in my own body. My ears turn red. I can feel my blood pressure climb. First comes embarrassment, then confusion. And underneath it all is an old, quiet voice: "You're not good enough. You're not worthy of love."

That's the stress response. Your body reacts to feeling exposed the same way it reacts to danger. Trying to force it to stop in the moment usually makes it worse, because now you feel even more watched.

If my worth comes from God, why does it hurt so much?

I've asked myself that more than once. I believe the love I need comes from God, not from people. So why does criticism still get to me?

Because I'm human. Knowing your worth comes from God doesn't switch off the part of you that was made for connection. When someone you care about criticizes you, it touches that part. Even Jesus felt the sting of rejection from people He loved. Being hurt isn't a failure of faith. It's a sign that you love.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14, NIV)

The truth about who I am is already settled. My heart and my body just need time and practice to catch up.

The 24-hour rule

Here's what I've learned about myself: it can take me a full day to know whether a criticism was true. In the moment, I'm flooded. A day later, I can see clearly.

So I've stopped trying to settle things on the spot. I can say, "Let me think about that," and step back. The key is that stepping back is a pause, not a wall. I come back to the conversation once I'm calm.

When I look at the criticism again, I ask two questions:

• Is there something true here I can learn from?
• Or is this something I can let go?

Either answer is fine. Both are part of growing.

What helps me rebalance

After a hard moment, four things bring me back to steady ground:

1. Time. I let the first wave pass before I decide anything.
2. Movement. I do something that resets my body: a run, a walk, time outdoors.
3. Prayer. I remind myself whose I am.
4. Sleep. Things look different after a good night's rest.

I've also worked with a counsellor over the years, and it has helped me a lot. There's no shame in talking to someone. Strong people do it. Faith and good counsel work together.

Running the long race

Life, family and running a practice are all long races. Not every mile feels good, and some miles bring criticism you didn't see coming. You don't have to win every moment. You just have to keep showing up, keep learning, and keep coming back to the truth: you are loved, and you have a purpose.

If you've ever felt that spotlight on you, I hope this helps you take a breath, give it a day, and remember who you are.

Dr. Cary Yurkiw